Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
I've been a good Mom all year. I've fed, cleaned andcuddled my children on demand, visited thepediatrition's office more than my own doctor, andsold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with myson's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in thelaundry room, between cycles.... and who knows whenI'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache, (in anycolor, except purple, I already have purple) and armsthat don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candyaisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere inthe seventh month of my last pregnancy.If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that onlyplays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcastany programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use ofpower tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting 'Don't eat in the living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only beheard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating foodwarmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it betoo much trouble to declare chocolate a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they werethe bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants me to feed him or take him somewhere..Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don'teat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. (you promised me last year you would lose some weight withme so next year you and I could be a cute size six...Okay, some requests go too far.....
Yours Always,MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children, healthy, safe. and of course, young enough to always believe in Santa.
*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all theMommies that you know.